Good evening everyone…
Hope each and every one of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Before
I get started…let me send a personal shout owt to ATL Ross and his son.
Had a good time kickin it wit you when you were in town Saturday big Bruh!!
Ok Ok Ok Ok, so I have been quiet lately…really not much to talk
about…nothing surprising going on…but I would not be the E’Dub you
respect and love if I didn’t touch this subject so let me get right into
it…yep, I’m talking bout muthastuffin Tiger Woods!
Tiger Woods…wow, heck of a story…his publicist is paid well to fabricate
such an unbelievable story. So here are the details:
– He pulled out of his driveway at 2:45am Friday morning and hit a fire
hydrant, THEN a tree
(E’Dub question: where da phuck was he going at 2:45am…and wasn’t that
hydrant and tree ALWAYS there? …well, maybe he was headed to Wal-Mart to
get a jump on the black Friday specials and wanted to get those Emerson 32
inch flat-screen for $200 when his wifey busted his head w/ the golf clubs!
“In his statement, Woods praised his wife Elin Nordegren, saying she “acted
courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble.” Nordegren told police
she used a golf club to break out the rear window of the vehicle, then
pulled Woods from the SUV after she heard the accident from inside their
(E’Dub comment: So she was INSIDE the mansion and “HEARD” the accident, ran
out with a golf club and smashed the BACK window of the Escalade…climbed
in…unbuckled his seat belt…and pulled 6’1/6’2 185 lb azz out the
car…get da phuck outta here. How many of you can hear a car horn blow when
you are inside your crib/townhouse/condo? Sometimes I don’t even hear the
doorbell and you gonna tell me she can hear a dude hit a fire hydrant and
she is in a MANSION? So she hears an accident and automatically picks up a
golf club BEFORE going to see what happened? Then why would she smash the
back window out the truck INSTEAD of just opening one of the front doors?
2nd point…so her lil 95 lb narrow azz pulled big Tiger out the truck
– Tiger received no major injury other than cuts and bruises to his lips and
(E’Dub comment: Could those injuries possibly have came from a golf club to
the head and face?)
And this is the statement that trips me out the most:
“On Sunday, Woods canceled for the third time a meeting between himself and
investigators to get his side of what happened early Friday”
(E’Dub comment: What Black Man you know can “CANCEL” a meeting with the poe
poe/fuzz/1-time/police…what kind of banana in da tail pipe chyt is that?)
Now everyone knows that this story is bullshiggity…and clearly Tiger is
getting a slight hall pass right now until the media can find proof of what
really went down. As for me…I don’t need to hear the fire alarm cause I
already see the smoke in this story…simply…Tiger Woods was out getting
that MONKEY…got caught…Wifey found out…. And here is what happened:
Wifey: I found out about your beyatch on the side you fake
wannabe black Mandingo muthastuffa!
Tiger: Honey please, don’t think like that dear!
Wifey: Phuck honey please…is that beyatch with you when you out at those
phuckin tournaments…is she waiting for you at the 18th hole?
Tiger: But dear, sweetheart…
Wifey: you been putting your little pink peter in another
woman’s monkey…and think you can play me like golf…I got your golf…I
got your muthastuffin PGA tour!
That’s it…plain and simple Tiger got caught over the Monkey…wifey cut
that azz and now he is trying to protect her.
Now many of you are thinking, wow another famous man got caught cheating on
his wife…what was he thinking? No…what the phuck are YOU thinking, it’s
2009…being FAITHFUL is so OLD SCHOOL! LMAO
As the world and times change…shouldn’t we revisit some of these laws that
were created YEARS ago. It’s a new era…a time for change…we got a Black
President…so Curious George the Side Monkey should be allowed.
Aren’t we looking at legalizing marijuana in some states…didn’t we change
the original laws to allow woman and blacks to vote…we changed the
bankruptcy laws to better reflect current times…we just changed the laws
to prevent big corporate executives from receiving huge paychecks when their
companies are failing…we even changed what TIME it is ever year with
Daylight Savings Law…so why can’t we get rid of this CHEATING/Fidelity
Law…phuck it…all men should be allowed to go get that good monkey
without fear of losing half of his 401k…without fear of having to pay
thousands a month in child support and not seeing his child!
Do you know how many marriages would be saved IF the husband was allowed to
go get a fresh piece of Monkey on a regular basis…do you understand he
will work harder, be less stressed and will do more around the house…if he
got some cut-up on the side! hahahahahahaa
Statistics show that men who have jump-offs and their wives are cool with
it…live happier and longer and marriages last longer. Women trust me, it
would be to your advantage…no more being bothered to have sex…no more
having to wear Vickie’s instead of big DRAWS once a year…you don’t have to
stay in the gym…you won’t have to cook everyday…because the jump-off
doesn’t mind frying the pork chops before she rides you like Sea Biscuit for
2 hours. LOL
I know my ladies reading this are just appalled at what I am saying…so I
will be fair…YES IT WORKS both ways. If you find a man that is willing to
put up with your NAGGIN & CHYT…please go phuck him. Matter of fact, most
men will support you going out to get some side PETER.
I will support my wife going out if it will make and keep her happy. Matter
of fact, I will even give her good times to leave the house and go get some.
For example…Sunday’s 1pm-4pm, 4pm-7pm and 8:30-11pm…would be good times
to creep right now…and Monday night’s 8:30-11:30pm…that’s when us men
want to watch Football in muthastuffin peace…so we don’t care if you leave
home to get 2 ding-a-lings. Matter of fact, the undefeated New Orleans
Saints take on New England tonight…so she can start tonight! LMAO
Starting January…my favorite show ’24’ with Jack Bauer will be back…and
I like to watch it without being told about what your co-worker did
today…or being asked if we can go to your homegirls dinner party next
week…or being told about something needed to be done in the yard…so
starting January…while I watch Jack, feel free to go see Winston…when
you walk back in after ’24’…all I am going to ask is “how was your d#ck
honey…good…ok, good night”! LMAO
I am dead serious…have you ever watched ‘Real Sex’ on HBO…do you see how
happy those white…oops, I meant “wonderful” married swingers are? All of
those married couples on ‘Real Sex’ that participate in that freaky sharing
chyt…… dude I swear they are the happiest cotdayum people on the
planet…which proves my point.
Moral of the Story – Don’t you dare look down on Tiger Woods cause his hand
got caught in da cookie jar! These are medieval laws we are living by and
should be changed…if we can change the laws so Gay’s can be married…then
laws should be changed where heterosexual’s can freely continue practice
being heterosexuals! hahahahahahahahahahaaa
I got more I wanna say…but I will stop here for today…stay tuned later
this week…I got beef with y’all Facebook addicts and I am going to put the
chyt out there…so go ahead and update your pages with…”E’Dub is going to
talk bad about Facebook” and on that note…EDUB OWT like Tiger….. NO