I ran into a young woman I had not seen in a year.  She told me her story, the last 6 years.  This conversation became very emotional.


She was married to a military man for22 years(knew each other 30 years). Discovered that he was cheating and decided to get divorced. She was tired of putting up with bullshit. So they both got lawyers and even though she was pissed  she did not fight for the  things she earned from being married to him, 22 years. The judge was going to award her so much money that he would have struggled to live. So she  gave up her things she earned .


1. She did not file for her portion of his retirement check. You have one year to file your rights to his retirement.  One year after divorce.

2.  She allowed  his portion of child support to be  lowered

3. The divorce was expensive so they did not pay to have his name taken of the house. The house his children grew up in.

HIs game plan from the beginning:

1. He played nice and waited until all the legal statues had expired. He went to court and forced her to sell the house that his family lived in.  He agreed that she owned the house but legally it was in both their names. Now why would he do that? Because she let him off the hook, he gets his full retirement check and makes about 200k a year. Why would he force his ex wife out the house after all the things she did for him? He married again, living life well now. Yet after two years he came back to force her out of a house that he verbally agreed was her house.

2. Since then he has made the comment ” I was going to wait for you to get old, then I was going to leave you anyway. Thought I was going to have to give up more”

3.  Again he waited till all the statues had expired.

Her life

In last year she moved out of the house they lived and now rents a home.

1. She is pissed at herself because the signs were there. She should have recognized that he was planning this from the start. He played nice until he had the chance to strike

2. She has moved on but our conversation went into “How black men treat their women”

Tremendous conversation which I will discuss in a later post but I will say these two things

1. When I first started working(1996)  I would go into different accounts and the woman of color automatically  assumed  I was married to a white woman. Now why would they assume that? This will be discussed in a later blog, yes I asked them why they assumed that.

2.  During the conversation with the woman above I made the statement “As a black man”, she stopped me in my tracks and she said ” the only thing black about you is your skin tone, your attitude towards woman, the way you think, does not represent the way most black men think or act today,” I was like OMG, I was like Dayum!!

3. Ladies you have to begin to understand how most men think when it comes down their money and what they feel you have earned.  Stop being so nice, Business is Business

So I think it is time to schedule our yearly forum in The DC area to discuss certain topics. Again there was so much to this conversation to share.  Begin submitting topics to be discussed


About theunspokentruth12

Dedicated to sharing knowledge, networking and building effective relationships within our community.
This entry was posted in Life Lessons, Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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