Is there an ultimate guide to picking up women? The short answer: there isn’t one. Sorry, dude.
Well there are, but don’t waste your time (or money) on them. The phrase “picking up women” is degrading in the first place. The purpose of this article is to help a guy become more desirable and to become a more wholesome being. So for now, take the fedora off of your head, shave your unsightly beard, and read up on some observations I’ve taken note of that may or may not benefit you, bro.
From what I’ve observed, women generally want someone who is open and honest. The keyword is “generally” because there isn’t a one size fits all solution. This is because there isn’t one type of woman, or one type of guy. Different women will want different things so allow these five steps to be a general guide, a compass if you will, in steering you into the right direction of your romantic journey.
1. State your intentions
Do you want a long-term relationship or do you just want to “casually date”? Do you even want to be in a committed relationship or do you really just want to hook-up? The most important question to begin with is to ask yourself what exactly it is you want out of whatever it is you’re pursuing. Let’s divide it into two simple scenarios.
Scenario A: Long-term relationship: If a long-term relationship is what you seek, it should find its foundation on a firm friendship. Start by building up that foundation and actually get to know that person first. This can be achieved by simply being yourself and wanting to be their friend for the sake of being their friend. (See #3)
Scenario B: Casual relationship: It’s 2016, and we’re continuing to progress as a society. We’re progressing in our view of sexuality and in promoting sex positivity. It’s okay for two individuals to just have sex, as long that it’s mutually consented upon. It’s okay for two individuals to have sex and move beyond that. However, if you emotionally manipulate a woman for sex, that’s fucked up. Don’t do that. That’s wrong.
You should be open and honest with your intentions. This should apply not only to yourself but with your intended partner as well. Most importantly, you should always respect a woman’s boundaries. It’s important to understand what you want, but if the person you’re talking to doesn’t want the same thing, you should respect that.
2. Be genuine
Be yourself. If you’re afraid that someone won’t like you for who you truly are, then what’s the point of pursuing them romantically? The human population is huge, and there’s bound to be someone that can click with you. Plus, people generally aren’t stupid and can sniff out when a person is being fake. Nobody likes a fake. In addition to that, your lies and all of the other shit would probably end up snowballing into an avalanche, so save yourself the trouble by getting in touch with who you really are and projecting that. True happiness in a relationship is being able to completely be yourself with your partner.
3. Accept just being friends
There’s nothing wrong with just being friends. If you get upset over that, it only means you viewed that woman as some sort of sick sexual prize (yes, that’s wrong). Here’s a tip: treat a woman like a person because -gasp- women are people too! Also, women tend to have a firm grasp on how most other women think. If you’re friends with a woman, there’s a slight chance she can help you and be your wingwoman or even just expand your worldview which can lead into you becoming a more well-rounded individual. Plus, the world is a lot less lonelier in good company.
4. Have confidence
This might be one the majority of us struggle with, but it’s a critical component in successfully finding a partner. Confidence tends to ranks high on characteristics people look for in a partner. Confidence is different from arrogance. Confidence is knowing you’re the shit, while arrogance is claiming you’re the shit. There’s a clear difference, my friend.
If you have a lack of self-confidence, learn to believe in yourself. If you access the depths of your soul, I’m confident there are, if not just one, multiple redeeming qualities that you possess. Don’t kick yourself down before others get a chance to, and even if others do kick you down, have resiliency. Be self-aware. The first thing people notice about you is the image of yourself that you project to the public. So, as superficial as it may sound, walking without erect posture, mumbling in an inaudible voice, and failing to make eye contact might serve as an undesirable first impression.
5. Be respectful and have strong communication skills
This isn’t just a quality for the workplace. Being an effective communicator is an essential skill to navigating through life and especially in romantic situations. You should actively listen to your partner or the woman you’re talking to. It’ll show them that you value their opinions, even if you may not necessarily agree with them.
In the event that there is a misunderstanding or if you feel one exists, politely address the situation. However, you should never make an accusational statement. Address matters in a calm tone.
Communication also extends beyond verbal usage. Your body can reveal more than what you say. Show interest. Maintain eye contact, and most importantly, smile. Don’t only be genuinely interested, but show that genuine interest as well. Give that person your undivided attention. This means not being on your phone when you’re with them.
Having good communication skills also means knowing when a conversation is undesirable. This is extremely important. If you’ve been persistently messaging a person and the amount of effort you’ve been applying isn’t reciprocated, there’s a 99.9% (clearly made-up statistic provided in order to exaggerate a point) chance that the person has no interest in talking to you, and you know what? You should totally respect that and probably move on.
Man, if all else fails…
Just be a goddamn decent human being. It’s really not that hard. As sad as it may sound, that honestly seems to be the minimum requirement these days. However, there’s a difference between being genuinely nice and being “a nice guy”. For your own sake and for the sake of the rest of us, please don’t fall into the latter category.
Remember: Don’t feel entitled to some sort of reward, whether physical or emotional, for being “nice”. Just because you buy a woman dinner doesn’t mean you deserve any sexual acts. Expecting that kind of makes you an asshole, fyi. If you take a woman out to dinner with the sole intention of getting to know her romantically, explicitly state your intentions in order to prevent any mishap and confusion. Women don’t owe you anything.